


Taint

by TheEmcee



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Character Death, Child Abuse, Courtroom Drama, M/M, Male Slash, Parent Death, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slash, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-22 00:38:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmcee/pseuds/TheEmcee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At nine years old, John fell into the unmerciful hands of his abusive godfather, Wade. Will anyone be able to save him from the pain and torture that's inflicted on him? Barret/Cena, Orton/Cena</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, so don't sue me please. Second, this story will contain mentions of rape, child abuse (both sexual and physical), pedophilia, and character death, among other things. You have be forewarned, so if you'd rather read about any of that, please don't read this. Third, I own nothing and no one. And fourth, this will be a Barret/Cena, Orton/Cena story, so if you don't like that, please don't read this. I think I've covered all the bases. Unlike my other stories, this one will have a happy ending. Yay for happy endings! R&R. Enjoy!

The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

/// 

 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011.

"Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I do."

"Thank you, Mr. Cena. You may sit down now."

With a nervous glance around the packed courtroom, John Felix Anthony Cena sat down on the witness stand, preparing to answer all the questions both the prosecution and the defense attorneys would ask him. This was his first time in a courtroom, as well as the first time testifying. A teenager of seventeen, he would soon be an adult in ten days, but he knew that he very well may still be testifying by that time. Clearing his throat a little, he sat up in the uncomfortable chair and braced himself for the on slot of questions.

"Would you please state your name for the jury, Mr. Cena? Just so that everyone's clear on who you are."

"Yes. My name's John Felix Anthony Cena."

"And how old are you, Mr. Cena?" The attorney was taking it slow; she had told him a week or so prior to the trial that she wanted the jury to get a sense of who he was and of his character so that his testimony would be more believable. While it would be slightly annoying at first, it had to be done. He understood her point of view, but he wanted everything to be over. After all these years of being enslaved to Wade, he was finally free of him; free of the man who had torture his mind, body, and soul ever since he was nine.

"I'm seventeen years old."

"And your birthday's on the twenty-third of this month, correct?"

"Yes."

"So you'll be eighteen then?"

"Yes."

"And you're still in high school?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm a senior this year."

"Being a senior is always exciting. Are you going on to college?"

"I'm planning on attend the local community college in the fall. Then I'll transfer after two years or so."

"You have a bright future ahead of you. Have you always brought home A's and B's?"

"As often as I can."

"Ah. Speaking of home, your parents died when you were nine, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am, they did. A car accident."

"I'm sorry to hear that, John. It must have been very hard on you, especially at that age."

"Yeah, it was. They….they were my parents, and I loved….love them very much. I miss them…"

"I would too if they were my parents." She smiled kindly at him before continued. "It was at that time that you came into the custody of Wade Barret, correct?"

"That's right."

"Was he a family member?"

"No, he was my dad's best friend and my godfather. In my parents' will, they gave him full custody of me should anything happen to them…"

"So that's how you came to live with him, correct?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about your life with Wade Barret, John. Take as long as you'd like. I know this will be hard for you, and I know that my interrupting you with my questions my get annoying, but please do your best and try to describe your relationship with him and how he treated you."

Taking a deep breath, John thought back to when he was a child of nine years old and of the time that he became Wade Barret's possession.

When his parents died, John went into a sort of shock. He didn't cry or scream or anything like that, not even at their funeral. No, instead, he sat quietly and stared blankly into space as people asked Wade if his godson was okay and if he was dealing with it all right. Of course, he had reassured them all that John was okay, and that when John did let it all out, he would be there for his precious godson and take good care of him.

If only they knew what he really meant…

It took almost a week after the funeral for John to break down. It was late at night and he was in his new room, at Wade's house. After being there for only a week or so, it wasn't his 'home', at least not yet, but the room was definitely his. His own little slice of solitude and safety, something he desperately needed. And that was the thought that had brought about the first tears. And soon, more tears followed and before he knew it, John was curled into a ball under his covers, sobbing into his knees. He missed his mommy and daddy; he wanted them back; he didn't want to be at Wade's house; Wade kind of scared him some times and he always felt like he was being watched with growling eyes. Those growling eyes frightened him above all else, for those eyes showed him feelings that John didn't understand yet.

But Wade understood them, and almost immediately after John began crying, he came into the bedroom. Not hearing the door open and close, John was startled when Wade's strong arms wrapped around his little body. Nearly jumping out of his skin, the blonde boy turned around to see his godfather pulling him closer and snuggling into his shoulders and back.

"It's okay, John baby. It's okay; I'm here for you, love." The way Wade said his name sent shivers up his spine, bad shivers. He didn't know Wade all that well, but he couldn't be that bad if his daddy had trusted him and named him his godfather…right?

Warm, soft lips pressed against the back of his neck, and John started to squirm, trying to free himself of Wade's grasp. However, the large man held onto him tightly, refusing to let the nine year old go. But John wouldn't give up; he was determined to escape the clutches of this man, the man that made him so uncomfortable. Those lips kept kissing him and soon he found himself lying on his back with Wade above him, looking down at him with scary eyes. Eyes that told John that something bad was going to happen to him. Bringing his hand up, Wade stroked his cheek gently, causing John to shut his eyes tightly, trying to lean as far away from the man as humanly possible.

"It's alright, love. Don't worry; I'll take good care of you, baby John." Leaning closer to the boy, Wade pressed his lips against John's, making the young boy's eyes snap open and causing him to gasp and struggle. He needed to get away from Wade. If only he could….

All struggle was useless, and soon Wade had undressed both himself and John and it scared the boy to death. John was a smart kid, he knew that something bad was going to happen, he just didn't know what. But he all too soon found out, as Wade force himself violently inside his small body, plunging in as far as he could go. John's body was wracked with pain and he couldn't get away, he could barely fight. His screams went unheard and his futile attempts at escape sucked all of the energy out of him. With eyes tightly shut, John prayed and prayed for Wade to stop, for the pain to go away. He even once prayed to never wake up. He'd rather do anything than face Wade again; he'd do anything to escape this pain…

Wade's body tensed and John felt something warm surge inside him. And then, Wade let out a low, guttural moan, and he lowered himself onto the boy's body, breathing heavily. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of pain, it was over. John just hoped that Wade wouldn't do it again. He was still in pain and now he was frightened, frightened of the man who was supposed to be his godfather.

Little did nine year old John Felix Anthony Cena know that this was only the beginning. Little did he know that it wouldn't be until six years later that he'd find someone who would save him from the pain and, ultimately, Wade. All John knew was the pain and fear that Wade made him feel, and he gave no thought to the future abuse he would have to endure.


	2. 2

The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours, but that this humiliation is seen by everyone.

Milan Kundera

///

After that night, things didn't get better. Of course, they didn't get worse either. In fact, if a stranger were to look upon both godfather and godson, they would see a shy, little child who was afraid of the outside world after his parents' death and a man who was trying his best to take care of and provide for that same shy child. Although John was indeed afraid, it wasn't of the outside world. What he feared was his godfather, and while Wade hadn't tried to touch him…there after the incident, John still didn't trust him or want to be near him. Wade, on the other hand, acted as though nothing had happened; it was as if him raping John had never occurred. Instead, Wade acted like he always did: kind, concerned, loving…

When two weeks had past, John had started to doubt himself. He began to think that maybe he just had a nightmare or an overactive imagination. But the pain in his backside and the finger impressions that were left on his arms made his wishful thinking null and void. No matter how he tried to convince himself, John knew Wade had raped him. He knew it, deep down in his soul. And he also knew that he couldn't tell a single soul.

John feared Wade. His godfather may have been his daddy's best friend, but John really didn't know him that well, and not knowing how he was, what his temper was like, frightened the young boy. So he was sure that he was always on his best behavior, and he swore to his parents that he wouldn't tell a single soul what had happened to him.

Even if he did speak up, he had nowhere else to go. His mommy's family didn't like his daddy, and, according to his mommy, they were no longer on speaking terms. So he had no one on his mommy's side to help him. And his daddy's sister, Aunt Angie, was too busy with work and her own family. She said that, if she had the room, she would have taken him in, but Wade, who was always nice and polite while speaking to John's family, told her that wasn't necessary. Besides, it was in the will that Wade would have full custody of John upon the death of his parents. So even if Aunt Angie did have the room to take him in, she couldn't.

He would be forever force to live with Wade, until he turned eighteen or until Wade got tired of him. And he didn't see the latter happening any time soon.

The next occurrence happened a few months after John moved in with Wade. John had been playing out in the back yard in his sandbox when Wade had called for him to come inside. Looking up at the sky, John saw storm clouds moving in, so he did as he was told quickly to avoid getting wet. Once inside, Wade told him to come and sit next to him on the couch and watch a movie with him. Keeping quiet all the while, John sat down on the couch, a few inches from his godfather. He didn't know what they were watching, but he could tell it wasn't something that he should be watching.

As the movie progressed, Wade pulled him in closer and, eventually, John was position on his lap. The same bad feeling that John had the night he was raped reappeared and he wiggled around, trying to slide off his godfather's lap without being noticed. But Wade held onto him fast, and, while a very provocative scene was playing on the television, his hands positioned themselves on John's shorts, pulling them and his underwear down. With one hand holding a squirm John in place, Wade unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and, before John had the chance to speak out, Wade had shoved himself inside the small body.

John screamed, but Wade wasn't worried about that. The neighbors didn't know them too well, and everyone kept to themselves, so even if John's screams were heard, no one would have wondered over to their house, asking why.

It was worse than the first time; after having time to heal and recover, John wasn't used to what Wade was doing, and he didn't want to be used to it. He didn't want to be there; he didn't want to be on Wade's lap, having things done to him that no child should have to go through. But he was on Wade's lap and bad things were happening to him and he had no means of escape. Pounding fiercely into him, John heard his godfather moan loudly and felt him tremble, and, once again, something warm began to fill his insides. Hot tears were pouring down his face and all John wanted to do was crawl into bed and never wake up. Why? Why was this happening to him? What had he done wrong?

Once Wade was done with him, he gently caressed John's neck and face lovingly and he placed a soft kiss to the boy's head. Picking his godson up, Wade carried him to the bathroom and turned the water in the tub on. Telling John to clean up and go to bed, he left, leaving the broken boy to his own devices. Trembling, sore, and too frightened to move, John collapsed to the floor, sobbing onto the hard, cold tile.

"That's… That's truly awful, John. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

John didn't say anything. He couldn't. As he looked around the courtroom, he saw the looks of disgust, hatred, sadness, and pity on various onlookers, and even on some of the faces of the jurors. A tight knot coiled in his stomach, and he felt like he was about to throw up. The prosecutor continued her questioning.

"Is that how it went on until you entered high school?" Taking a deep, calming breath, John tried his best to keep his voice steady and strong as he answered.

"Yeah… I mean, as I grew older, he fell into drugs. When I would try to fight him off, he'd beat me. When I breathed too loudly or didn't 'participate' in the sex, he'd beat me. He'd find excuses to just beat me… He…he liked it, I think. And that's not all he…did. But for the most part, it was an unchanging cycle…a series of events that I couldn't control and that I kept blaming on myself. It was something I must've done to make him do these things…"

"It wasn't your fault John. You had no control over this." She paused briefly before starting up again. "Tell me, if you would please, about your high school years. About your classes, classmates, friends, clubs, sports, and Wade. Tell me everything that happened to you while you were in high school. "

With a stiff nod, John began to explain his high school years, starting off with his first day of freshman year and how he met Officer Randy Orton.

Even with all of the horrible stuff that Wade did to him at home, John always managed to get good grades. He loved school; he loved his classes, his teachers, but he never made close ties with any of his classmates. A lot of them talked to him in classes, during lunch and gym, and at recess, but no one spoke to him after school ended or when he was heading home, walking, sometimes limping, back to his torturer. But it wasn't because of his classmates; it was because John knew that if anyone got close to him and noticed the things that were going on with him, Wade would get in trouble. And he didn't want Wade to get in trouble, for he feared the man who had scary friends who would watch or participate in the evil deeds that Wade would do to him.

As time went on, and as John moved from the elementary school to the middle school, things didn't improve. In fact, they got a little worse. The worst of it started when John was in sixth grade. A boy at lunch had made fun of his clothes, and had pushed John into another student, causing him to fall and get food all over him. Angry, John pushed the bully back and a fight started. Naturally, both were stopped by a teacher, taken to the office, and phone calls home were made. Somehow, John knew that once he got home, Wade would let him have.

Oh, how right he was…

As soon as he entered the door, Wade had grabbed him by the arm and threw the eleven year old onto the couch hard. John pressed himself up against the couch, trying to blend in and keep away from the furious wrath that Wade was to rain down upon him. However, luck was not on his side; it never was. Wade started yelling at him, calling him a 'fucking dumbass' and 'a useless fuck toy'. The first slap came when John spoke up, trying to tell his godfather what the other boy had done. That first slap had stunned and shocked John; the second had thrown him back to hard that he toppled over the couch's arm and landed with a thud onto the floor.

He cowered in fear and Wade stood over him, looking so frightening and menacing that John could barely recognize him. While he had seen Wade mad, he had never seen him this mad. For once in his life, John honestly thought that Wade was going to kill him. What followed that last thought was an on slot of kicks and punches in combination with yelling and screaming and nasty name calling.

That's when the physical abuse started. And continued from that point onward. Even on his first day of high school, Wade had given him a lovely shiner to take with him to school, along with his empty backpack and worn clothes and sneakers. However, even with his old clothing, John was excited for high school. He was finally entering that stage in his life where he would discover his true self and find out what he wanted to be when he grew up. He would finally be able to make friends and join clubs and, maybe, try out for a sport or two. Perhaps he'd even meet a nice girl or boy and fall in love. The possibilities were endless, and his naïve mind couldn't help but be in awe of them.

His dreamlike state was shattered, however, upon entering the front doors of the high school. Roger Downs was yelling and thrashing around as the high school cop gripped his jacket's sleeve, giving him a stern lecture about skateboarding inside the school. With a yelp of surprise, Roger was released none too gently and the cop bent down to help the elderly teacher off the floor, who had, apparently, been knocked over by Roger and his skateboard.

When the cop stood up and brushed himself off, he turned around and spotted John staring at him. With a short nod, he walked away, going down a hallway on official business. John, however, couldn't move. He was barely able to breathe. Butterflies were fluttering about inside his stomach, and he had to be eventually shoved by another student in order to start moving on towards homeroom.

That cop…he was gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous; he was the most handsome, and yes, beautiful person that John had ever seen. John didn't understand this feeling; he had never experienced such an odd sensation about another person before, and he was shocked. Shocked at the thoughts swarming about in his head and shocked that he was interested in, of all people, the high school police officer.

As he walked towards his homeroom in the freshman's side of the school, he heard Roger complain about Officer Orton grabbing him like that just for knocking over Mrs. McFarland.

Officer Orton….so that's what his name is. John felt even more excited that he did earlier. He now had an entirely different reason for wanting to come to high school. And he wasn't too sure if that reason was a good one or a bad one…


	3. 3

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

///

 

That very same day, John made his first friend. It was during second period – Early American History – and his good spirits were beginning to wear thin. Not because he wanted them too, but he wasn't too pleased with Roger being in his homeroom once again. Ever since that incident in sixth grade, Roger and John were like a cat and mouse: at constant war. And he was lucky enough to have homeroom with him in ninth grade; even luckier to be sitting in front of him.

Needless to say, as soon as homeroom seats were selected, Roger began to talk rather loudly about John's state of dress. However, this wasn't new to John; he was used to people teasing him about his worn, hand-me-down clothes, clothes that were too baggy for him and hide his body from the outside world. But he never complained too much, for those same baggy clothes helped to hide some of Wade's aggression. But John was in a good mood on his first day of high school, and he was still experiencing butterflies in his stomach from his brief encounter with Officer Orton, so he wasn't happy when Roger and his friends started in on him while the teacher wasn't paying attention.

While John wasn't a scrawny weakling, he wasn't any match for Roger and his cronies, so he did his best to ignore them. If he were to start trouble, he'd be forced to see Officer Orton about it, a thought that didn't occur to him until the bell had rung, singling the end of homeroom and the start of first period – Algebra I. He's least favorite subject, but not his worst. Art was his worst. After first period ended, he made his way up the hall and turned right, coming to his history class. He was one of the first to arrive and he chose a desk by the window; he enjoyed glancing out of the classroom windows on particularly boring lesions.

His thoughts were interrupted when someone sat down at the desk beside him. Looking over, his eyes met the bright brown ones of a brunette boy that he had known but wasn't entirely close to, Cody Rhodes. Known for his dashing looks and his good guy personality, Cody was a well liked guy, but John never got too close to his fellow classmates. Wade would murder him if he even dared to ask to bring a friend over, and he wasn't selfish enough to risk another's life just to keep himself from being lonely. He had been alone his since parents' death, and he could continue putting up with it until he turned eighteen…right?

Regardless of his plans to ignore Cody, the other boy just would not have it, and he spoke up almost as soon as John looked away.

"Hey, you're John Cena, right? I'm Cody, Cody Rhodes. You're the guy that has no friends, right?"

For some reason, when Cody mentioned this, John's right eye twitched slightly, something that Cody had spotted.

"Man, that's gotta suck. I mean, you seem like a pretty nice guy, so I don't get why people wouldn't want to be friends with you. You're even kind of cute too."

John's cheeks turned a faint shade of pink, and he spoke to Cody for the first time ever.

"I chose to not have any friends." Tilting his head to the side, reminding John of a confused puppy, Cody gave John a confused look.

"Why? Don'tcha get lonely?"

"There's a few reason why I do it, none of which would interest you, so don't worry about. And I've been alone ever since my parents died, so I'm used to it by now."

Normally, John wasn't this mean to his other classmates, but he was trying really hard to not warm up to Cody, which was a failing plan. The fact of the matter was that John actually did like Cody, even though he had never actually talked to him until now, the blonde teen liked Cody's enthusiasm and his carefree manner. He wished that he could be carefree and have no worries, but Wade would never allow that. Wade wouldn't allow John to have anything that gave him the hope of escaping.

"Oh… I'm sorry man, I didn't know. But hey, I can be your first real friend, okay?"

By that time, all the desks had been claimed and the teacher came in, closing the door behind her as the bell rang.

"Why would you want to be friends with me? Don't you have plenty of friends, 'Dashing' Cody Rhodes?" John couldn't suppress his smirk at using Cody's nickname. With a slight laugh, Cody opened got out his notebook and folder, trying not to draw attention to himself or John as the teacher took role.

"Nah. I used to, though. But not many people like fags in this school. Besides, how could I ignore those 'dashing' baby blue eyes?"

Stifling a bark of laughter, John burrowed himself into the textbook that had been placed on his desk. And that's how their friendship started: awkward, tense, and yet, somehow, very relieving. Over the weeks following that, Cody and John began to form a close friendship, which wasn't hard to do considering that they had five classes and lunch together.

If only life at home was better. Unfortunately, John seemed to be paying for his good days at school with bad days at home. Wade was getting more temperamental; his friends often came over with questionable substances, and the more Wade did them, the worse he'd feel when his high wore off, and the worse John was treated. He wasn't entirely sure if his dad knew that Wade did drugs, or if Wade had done them while he was friends with his dad. Regardless of if his drug habit was a new thing or an old, John knew only one thing for certain: Wade would always be hurting him, whether or not he was high or not.

Constantly walking into school limping or having a few bruises that even his t-shirts and jackets couldn't hide became a problem since Cody started waiting for him every day before homeroom. At first, the brunette would question him relentlessly, but after a few weeks of getting no answers, he gave up and their conversations turned normal once again. It was weird for John, having a friend to joke around with at school; it gave him a sense of normalcy that he hadn't felt in years. Of course, he didn't have just Cody; Ted, Cody's boyfriend who was a sophomore, usually hung around the two, and John found that he has two friends instead of just one. He couldn't help but think that things were too good to last.

He was right.

One day in October, there was an announcement during homeroom about clubs. This was something new to the entire freshman class, as they didn't have clubs in middle school. Teachers handed out packets that listed all the clubs and the description of each one, along with what costs, if any, applied. At lunch that same day, Cody, Ted, and John went through the packet, seeing what was offered and, finally, decided that they should all sign up for archery club; it was different, new, and something that would get them out of the school for an hour, so it was the perfect choice for them. There was a downside however.

To join the club, each student had to pay twenty-five dollars for materials and whatnot. Cody and Ted weren't worried about it, but John was. Wade never gave John any money, not even lunch money. So he went without, or he'd get an apple and a small carton of white milk, the only things the school offered for free. The thought of approaching Wade for money to join the club nearly made John puke, but it was something he really wanted. Surely, if he asked just this one time, Wade would be a little lenient, wouldn't he?

That was John's hope as he said good-bye to Cody and Ted and started on his walk home. The feeling of dread increased with every step he took. He only hoped that, if Wade got angry and decided to punish him, that none of his friends were there. John could deal with any punishment his godfather could give him so long as it was just the two of them witnessing it. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he had arrived home. Taking a deep, hopefully calming, breath, John opened the door and stepped inside.

Sitting on the couch, smoking a joint, was Wade, wearing a black t-shirt and black pants. With another deep breath, John approached him, looking down, trying to portray the look of submission. Hopefully, Wade wouldn't get angry with him.

"Hey…Wade?" With an irritated look, his godfather turned his head to look at his godson.

"What do you want?"

"Well…clubs are coming up at school, and I need to sign up for one. But the one I wanna sign up for costs twenty-five dollars… And I was wondering…"

With a slight smirk, Wade stood up and approached the trembling blonde.

"And you were wondering if I'd give you some money?"

Wade placed his hand on John's head, patting his hair gently. This gesture made John's heart leap with hope. Maybe…just maybe…

Before he knew what was going on, Wade grabbed his hair in a tight grip and dragged the young blonde back the hallway and into his bedroom. With an animalistic snarl, John was thrown onto the bed, his jacket practically falling off of him. Scurrying back against the head board, John tired to get away but was deterred when Wade climbed on top of him, grinning maliciously.

"If you want that twenty-five dollars, love, then you've got to earn it." And with that, he lowered his head towards John's neck, leaving a wet trail in his wake wherever he went.

John's protests were soon beat out of him, and all he could do was just lay there, on Wade's bed, allowing that man who was supposed to be his godfather do things to him that he should have never experienced. And it didn't stop after the first time; no, Wade made sure that he got his full use of John the entire night, only stopping when he himself was far too tired to hold a lasting erection. But John was too tired and sore to move, so he fell into an uneasy sleep beside his godfather, whose arms were wrapped possessively around the blonde's body, snuggling into his backside.

When John woke up the next day, Wade told him that he wasn't allowed to join any clubs unless they remained inside the school. He was also told that sports were out of the question, as Wade wanted him to come straight home after school every day. So, with a heart aching with pain and sorrow, John slowly meandered to school, barely paying much attention to the world around him.

Once he got to school, he went directly to homeroom, ignoring Cody and Ted completely. He just couldn't deal with them now, not after what had happened last night. They would know that something was wrong as soon as they'd see his face, and he was going to make sure that no one found out about anything that Wade had ever done to him.

In homeroom, they were forced to pick and chose their clubs and hand them in. John, now be limited to just a select few clubs, chose the art club. Not his first choice, but the only one that would allow him to do whatever he wanted to, within certain boundaries.

After homeroom and first period ended, John made his way slowly toward second period, and he immediately spotted Cody sitting in his usually spot, obviously looking around and waiting for John. Not wanting to face the questions he knew Cody would ask him, John walked straight past the door and entered the nearby boy's bathroom, picking out a stall and hiding in it. He felt like a horrible, dirty coward, and, while he knew that running away wouldn't solve anything, he just couldn't handle the looks of disgust and hatred if Cody asked him anything. Looks he knew for certain that he'd get because he knew that he'd crack under the scrutiny of his friend. And losing his friend would kill him far quicker than anything Wade could ever do to him.

The bell rang, singling the start of second period and the closing of all classroom doors, ensuring that any student who was late and without a hall pass would be sent directly to the office. While John didn't want to get detention – and he sure as hell didn't want the school to call Wade telling him about it – he'd rather not see Cody just yet. Not until he was ready.

After waiting for twenty minutes, John sighed and picked up his book bag and opened the stall, leaving the bathroom as quietly as possible. Looking briefly into his history classroom, he saw that everyone was busy copying notes from the backboard. A vague feeling of relief flooded him and he turned around the corner, bumping right into Officer Orton.

"Ah, crap. I'm sorry… Hey, you're supposed to be in class." Looking up, John nearly flinched under the sharp gaze that Orton gave him, a gaze that both startled him and sent shivers down his spine. He fought hard to keep himself from blushing, but he was successful.

"I know…but I'd rather be anywhere but there right now." John kept his gaze focused n the floor, doing his best to not look the school's resource officer in the eye. A deep humming sounded from the man in front of him and he chanced a look at the taller man. While still gorgeous as ever, he definitely didn't look too happy at the moment.

"Sure, sure. But you know the rules." With sigh, he motioned for John to follow him. "C'mon, kid. You're coming with me to my office."

It was an extremely uncomfortably walk for John. Rarely did he ever get in trouble, and if he did, it was usually for not getting work done or turning it in late. And although he had secretly fantasized about meeting Officer Orton in his office for a late night rendezvous, this wasn't what he had in mind. That, and he definitely wasn't in the mood to hook up with anyone right now.

Finally, they reached Office Orton's office, and the older man gestured for John to sit down in the chair that was placed in front of the desk. With his back facing John, Orton rummaged through his filing cabinet, looking for something. A minute or so later, he found what he was looking for and turned around, sitting in his chair and opening the folder with John's name on it. The blonde teen was surprised that the school would allow it's resource officer access to student files, but then again, he was a cop, so it wasn't like he was going to abuse that privilege. Right?

"Let's see here… You got into a fight in sixth grade. Not your best decision. No detentions that I can see, but you are known for turning in late work. Still, even with that, you get pretty good grades, at least in my opinion. Overall, not a bad record, not at all." He closed it and looked at John, who still refused to meet his gaze. "So why are you ditching class, John?"

Biting his bottom lip, John dared to think that maybe now was his time to speak out. Maybe now was his time to finally tell someone about his godfather's abuse and the life he's been forced to live ever since the death of his parents. But he couldn't speak up, he couldn't tell. Not anyone, and especially not the object of his fantasies. So instead, he kept his stare focused on the front of the desk. He heard Officer Orton sigh.

"You need to look at me when I ask you a question, Mr. Cena. And especially when you're answering one." Hesitating for a few seconds, John finally looked up and met the icy blue gaze of Officer Orton. This time, he couldn't keep the blush from spreading over his face. He was surprised, however, when he saw Officer Orton's eyes widen and the man looked away from John's baby blues, taking a deep breath.

"You're not leaving until I get my answer, John. And I will get my answer, one way or another."


	4. 4

There is sacredness in tears. They are not the marks of weakness, but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.

Washington Irving

///

 

Fidgeting under Officer Orton's gaze, John looked around the office, trying to think of a good excuse to use. He hated the thought of lying to the man, but what other choice did he have? After all, regardless of how much he liked him, John didn't know him well enough to trust him. At least, not now…not yet. Suppressing a sigh, John shrugged nonchalantly – or in a manner than he hoped looked nonchalant – and looked back at Officer Orton.

"I just…didn't want to go to class."

"Bullshit." The bluntness of that one word, and the force that was used to say it, made John's eyes widened and he looked at the officer with a slightly alarmed expression. The man was frowning and he looked a little angry.

"You and I both know that that's a lie, John. Now tell me what's going on with you kid." He stood up and walked away from his desk, circling it like a predator, and John was his prey. Orton came around the desk and stood behind John, leaning on the chair as he bent down to speak close to the blonde's ear.

"I've seen you in the hallways, John. I've seen how you interact with your fellow classmates, with your teachers, and even with your two new buddies. I can see everything, and your behavior just isn't normal. No average teenager would be acting like you, and I want to know why."

John frowned. So, Officer Orton had been watching him every time he was here. He didn't know whether to feel excited or angry, but anger was definitely winning. Who did this man think he was? Did he think it was appropriate to watch students so carefully? And what business was it of his if John didn't act like a normal teenager? Who would act normally if they had to live a life like John's? Gripping the arms of the chair, John tried to keep the anger out of his voice as he spoke.

"What's it to you if I don't act like a normal teenager? And why are you watching me anyway?"

"Why? Because it's my job to keep an eye on you kids. To keep you safe and out of trouble. And in my line of work, I've become an expert at reading people, and I know for a fact that you're hiding something. So tell me."

"I don't trust you." The words left John's mouth before he had time to think. Panic started to flood his being; what had he just done? He most definitely didn't want to get on Officer Orton's bad side, and he had probably done just that.

He felt the officer stand up and make his way back to his desk. With fear in his eyes, John hesitantly looked up at the man, and was incredibly shocked to find a smirk on his handsome face. Placing both hands on the desk, Officer Orton leaned over his desk and stared down at John.

"So. You don't trust me? And if you did, then you'd tell me what's been going on with you?" Unable to speak, and not entirely sure where the man was doing with this, John nodded his head meekly.

"Well then, we'll just have to change that. Instead of going to study hall every day, come here. We'll get to know one other very closely, or until you decide to talk. I'll tell your study hall teacher about our arrangements. Starting tomorrow, you will report to my office instead of going to study hall, is that understood young man?"

John nodded once again, causing the smirk on Officer Orton's face to widen slightly.

"Good." He looked over his shoulder to catch the time. "Second period's almost over. You head on to your third period class."

Picking up his backpack, John stood up on shaky legs and opened the door.

"Oh, and John?" The blonde looked up at the officer, unsure of what to do or say.

"Don't tell your godfather about this until I say so. He and I have a…history."

Upon seeing the confused look on the teen's face, Orton held up John's personal file and nodded a silent good-bye.

"So, you got to know Officer Orton while you were in high school?"

"Yes. I went to see him in his office every day after that. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After a while, he became my friend." The prosecutor nodded in understanding.

"I see. So you went to his office every day? And he told you not to tell your godfather? When did your godfather find out about your relationship with Officer Orton?"

John tried not to react to the word 'relationship' as he began to describe his days with Officer Orton, and what happened when Wade found out…

It was nearing the end of the school year, and John wasn't too thrilled about going on summer vacation. Summer vacation meant that he'd be forced to spend most of his days with Wade, and 'quality time' was something he needed less of. Ever since that night months ago about club money, Wade had been treating his godson like a live-in whore. He would often mock and make snide remarks as he was doing his worst to John , and, quite a few times, he had several friends come over to watch. His one friend, Michael, even participated once, something that still made John sick to his stomach. John hated when Wade's friends came over, even if they didn't say anything to him at all. He just hated them.

If it wasn't for Cody, Ted, and Randy (only John was allowed to call him that), the blonde might have given up. After avoiding Cody for a few days, John finally approached him and told him a little bit of what happened. He told his light-hearted friend that his godfather was unemployed and had a nasty temper, which he unleashed when John asked him for money for archery club. Cody understood, but he was still suspicious about the details. When asked what exactly had happened, John successfully avoided every question.

This made him feel guilty, but he just couldn't tell him anything more than that. He knew that Cody would do something about it, and John didn't want anything to happen to his friend, so he kept quiet.

Randy, on the other hand, was hard to lie to. The first few weeks of spending study hall with the resource officer were trying. Neither one was willing to move an inch, and it felt like they were making little progress. At least, it felt that way to John. However, during the third week of their meetings, John let something slip.

As usual, Officer Orton was asking him questions, trying to get to know the blonde better. John had grown tired of the question-and-answer session after day two. He was afraid that he'd let his guard down and let something slip. And during the third week, he did.

"So…what's life with you godfather like?" That was something new. Normally, the questions would revolve around likes and dislikes, classes, subjects, sports, movies; anything a normal teenager would want to talk about. However, as the older man had already stated, John wasn't a normal teenager. But this question was different, and it made John tense, something that the officer noticed.

"Is he nice to you? I've had a few run-ins with him; mainly for drinking and drugs, but if he was named your godfather and legal guardian, he can't be all that bad, I guess. Although his accent leaves something to be desired."

"I hate him."

Just like that; Officer Orton would make him blurt out things just like that. Most of the time, during these session, John would remain as quiet as a mouse, until the man managed to get something out of him. And usually, John would just blurt stuff out without thinking about it. Like right now. That simple statement made Officer Orton shut up and he studied John with his piercing gaze.

"What do you mean John?"

John stayed silent, refusing to say anymore. But deep down inside, he knew that Orton would ask more questions, questions that related to Wade and what he's been doing to his godson since his parents died. Dread began to seep into him from every pore on his body and the tension in the room grew even heavier, if that was even possible.

"Does he.. Does he hit you?" Right on the money. It's almost like the man could read his mind. John tensed a little more, keeping his eyes focused on the desk.

"Does your godfather…do things to you?" More tension set into John's body, and he wanted to run away from the office right then and there. But he couldn't move. He could barely even breathe.

"What does he do to you, John? I can't help you unless I know."

Every single horrible moment in his life replayed in his mind. The first time Wade had raped him; the second time a few months later when he had fallen into a false sense of security; the first time Wade hit him; the first time he was beat; the first time Wade had 'lent' him out to his disgusting friends… All those memories and more came flooding into his mind. It was as if someone had recorded them and placed them all on a disk, and John was being forced to sit and watch it. Then, suddenly and without warning, John felt a strong pair of arms wrap around his body.

Looking up, he saw Officer Orton's shocked, anguished face and John suddenly realized that he was shaking and crying. Without saying a word, he held onto the older man tightly, feeling, for the first time in a long time, safe and secure within the warmth of the embrace. A hand was gently stroking his blonde hair and soothing words were being whispered to him, in an attempt to calm him down. After a few minutes, the older man pulled away, straightening himself up, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry kid… I just… I don't know what came over me." John nearly smiled; Officer Orton looked rather cute when he was embarrassed.

"It's okay… I don't mind. Really." Orton sat back down in his chair and stared at John with a thoughtful expression on his face. A few minutes passed before he spoke once again, this time with regained composure.

"You know, since you are a minor, I technically have to report this." John's eyes widened and his head snapped back up to meet the icy blue gaze of the man before him.

"Please don't. I have nowhere else to go, and if Wade gets in trouble because of me…something bad might happen. So please…please don't do anything."

"Okay, okay. Calm down, John." He sighed heavily. "I won't report it, even though I should. However, you have to do something for me."

"What?"

"I want to see you every day during summer vacation. We're going to continue our meetings during the summer; I want to keep my eye on you, but unfortunately, my station is this school. I'm not allowed to be out on patrol unless my chief tells me so. How do you like that?"

John thought for a moment. He hated summer vacation because it meant that he'd be forced to stay inside the house, or out in the enclosed backyard, with Wade every single day. However, if he had something to do, somewhere else to go, then he'd be free, even if it was only for an hour or so. But how would he be able to persuade Wade to let him go outside of the house?

"But my godfather won't let me leave the house unless I'm with him and him alone. So how can we meet up?"

The smile that spread over Officer Orton's face made John shiver, however it wasn't unwelcome, not by a long shot.

"I have my own idea on how to fix that. Just wait and see."

About three weeks later, at around six o'clock on Wednesday, the doorbell rang at John's house. He was washing up the dishes in the kitchen, a punishment along with his black eye, for ignoring Wade when he got home. Looking over his shoulder, the blonde's mouth nearly hit the floor when he saw Officer Orton standing on the porch, trying to smile pleasantly at Wade, whose entire body had gone rigid. While he couldn't see his godfather's face, John guessed that his expression was set in shock, anger, or both. Orton's voice broke him out of his trance and he turned slightly to get a better view of the two men.

"Nice to see you again, Wade."

"What are you doing here, Officer Orton?" John tried not to flinch at the malice that was dripping from Wade's voice.

"Don't worry; I'm not here to question you or anything. This is actually about your godson, John." Wade shot a look of pure fury over at the blonde, who bowed down his head and turned back to the dishes, still listening to the two.

"What about him? Has he done anything? Because if he does, I can assure you, Officer that it will be taken care of."

"He hasn't done anything bad. I'm the resource officer at his high school, and I've taken him under my wing, so to speak, to keep an eye on him. You know, to keep him out of trouble and to make sure he doesn't end up…well…like you. Chief Wiley has approved of my taking him for a few hours every day over the school's summer vacation. I just thought I'd stop by and let you know that, starting on June 8th, John is to report to the high school every weekday at 10am sharp. I'll bring him home when we're done."

There was a long pause, an uncomfortable silence that John knew he would regret as soon as Officer Orton left. He knew that Wade was both processing what the officer told him and how to punish his godson on getting the attention of his most hated enemy.

"Should he not show up, I've been given permission to contact child services and remove him from your household, something which would hinder your status in John's family and your community, I'm sure."

After another few minutes, Wade finally answered.

"That's… That won't be necessary. John will be at the high school every day then, if that's what you and Chief Wiley want." His oily voice made John squirm. Wade was such a slimy bastard… There's no way Officer Orton would by that pile of crap.

"Good. Well, since everything's settled, I'll be going. See you at school tomorrow John!" He waved and left with Wade slamming the door loudly behind him.

The look on Wade's face told John that he'd be in for another rough night as soon as the dishes were done. Although he silently thanked Officer Orton for coming over, he also cursed him. Cursed him for bringing about even more pain and suffering, and the worst part of it all was that the man thought he was actually helping. Oh, how wrong he was.


	5. 5

Taint

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

"Oh…my. It must have been tough, having to be treated like that for everything you say and do. How did your godfather like you being around Officer Orton?"

"He…he didn't like it. He liked having me home, around. Easily accessible… "

"Ah… So, what did you and Officer Orton do when you went to see him during the summer?"

"Lots of things…" Lots of memories…

After that night, the night that Officer Orton had talked to Wade about seeing John over summer vacation, the two sort of made a…connection. It was hard to explain, but John felt that things became a bit easier when he was in the company of the resource officer. Almost as though they had a mutual understanding, which first appeared when Randy had seen the horrible yellow bruise that marked the blonde teen's cheek. Indeed, the day after Officer Orton's visit was almost unbearable.

While John was used to the rapes, the bruises, and the abuse, he wasn't used to the stares. Apparently, Wade must have been even harder on him than usual because he was noticeably limping and wince every single time he moved. And if strangers in the hallways were whispering about it, then he'd never be able to fool Cody and Ted, who both went pale white at the sight of their friend. As soon as they saw him, questions came pouring out, and, were it not for Ted stopping them entirely, he would've thrown up. Looks and stares he could handle, but the constant questions were making him feel queasy.

It took John a few days or so to get back into decent enough shape, although it probably took much longer due to his godfather. But a few weeks later, his freshman year came to an end, and it was summertime once more. Cody and Ted told him that they'd keep in constant contact. John told them to not come over to his house. When they gave him confused and hurt looks, he told them that his godfather didn't want anyone to come over, and that if he got unexpected visitors, the blonde would pay the price.

"You should tell Officer Orton about him, John. The way you talk about him and the way you come to school with bruises and limping… You really should tell someone." Cody gave him that piece of advice on the last day of school. John nearly laughed; Cody and Ted, hell even Officer Orton, didn't know half of what went on.

On the last day of school, just before John left, he stopped by Randy's office. After being around the man for so long, he eventually started to call him Randy, which he allowed, but only when it was just the two of them. He still had a crush on the man, but John knew that he stood no chance of being with such a handsome god. Not only was Randy a grown man while John was just a plain old kid, but who would want John now, anyway? Now that he'd been tainted by his own godfather. Who could love someone so pathetic? So disgusting and horrible?

Surely, John must have done something, maybe in a past life or so, to have been forced to endure so much punishment from Wade. Maybe he had been a child molester himself in another life; or maybe a serial killer. Well, whatever he must have been, it must have been something awful, at least, that was John's thinking. He probably did whatever the hell he wanted, and now he was being punished for it. That's why no one would ever want to be with him, especially someone like Randy.

Anyway, on the last day of school, John stopped by Randy's office. Since the door was already opened, he merely knocked on it softly to gain the officer's attention, who was busy fixing and putting away students' files. Looking up, the man smiled at the blonde, making his heart beat just a little bit faster. Perhaps he didn't have such a little crush after all…

"Hey, John. How was your last day of freshman year?" The feeling of familiarity was starting to grow even more, and John was slowly easing his way into this weird, awkward friendship with Randy.

"It was okay. I wish school didn't have to end though…"

Both stared at each other, pain and fear reflecting in baby blue eyes while sadness and anger shown Randy's icy blues.

"Well…at least you'll be getting out of that home every week day. If it weren't for the fact that I have a minor who isn't willing to press charges, I'd go after the son of a bitch." Randy gave John a pointed look.

"You know why I won't, Randy…" John shuffled nervously and stared down at his feet, feeling uncomfortable at the moment. While he trusted the officer more than when they first met, Randy's straightforward personality still kind of unsettled him. How could someone be so blunt so often? If John ever even tried to retaliate, Wade would have him pinned to the ground, making sure his godson couldn't finish his sentence.

"No, I don't John. Not really anyway. But you'll tell me eventually. It's only a matter of time before I get you."

John's head snapped back up and he stared wide eyed at the man in front of him. Did Randy really just say that? Or was John hearing things? Either way, the teen didn't mind it at all; in fact, he kind of liked it.

"Yeah, you probably will." John smiled and said good-bye, telling Randy he'd see him Monday.

That weekend was rather calm. Wade wasn't too aggressive with him, except for in his bedroom, but even that only happened twice. His godfather was probably afraid that , if Officer Orton saw that anything was wrong with John, he'd get arrested. The thought made John both smug and frightened. While he'd rather live with anyone but Wade, his godfather had connections and friends, friends who kill for him, and John knew that. Hell, every once in a while, Wade would threaten John with the idea of murder, and John took his word for it. He had seen his godfather's friends, and while some of them were merely drug addicts and perverts, a few of them, like Michael, were downright frightful, and they knew it too.

In all honesty, John thought that Wade would do something really horrible to him before he went and saw Randy at school on Monday, and the constant paranoia deprived him of much needed sleep. Needless to say, the teenager was very relieved when he woke up on Monday morning. He dressed and went into the kitchen, grabbing some toast before he left. Wade wasn't up yet, much to John's relief, so he left the house with no hassle.

It was a nice, warm morning, almost as if the day was trying to reflect John's revitalized hope. With a spring in his step, he made his way to the high school. In no time at all, John had arrived at the school, and opened the door, making his way towards Randy's office. He knocked on the door and entered it when the man gestured for him to come in.

"Hey, kid. How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"I'm alive. I see that your bruise free for once." John almost winced. He did have a bruise, but if he told Randy about that particular one, then the man really would arrest his godfather. As far as Randy knows, all Wade does is hit him; he didn't need to know about the sexual stuff and John sure as hell didn't want to tell anyone about that, especially Randy.

"Yeah well…I guess having a school resource officer as a friend does have its benefits after all."

Randy laughed and shook his head. John loved his laugh; it made him tingle in places that didn't usually tingle, and it felt good. Being around the older man always made him feel good; it made him feel safe, secure, and as though his pain actually mattered to someone. It was nice, having someone like that, having an adult in his life who sort of valued him. Cody and Ted were great, but he feared for their safety, and they didn't know Wade like Randy did; they've never even met the man, and, if John had his way, they never would.

He sat down on the chair in front of the desk and watched Randy finish typing up his current report.

"So what are we going to do today?" Randy saved his work and turn the computer off, looking up at John as he stretched and stood up.

"We'll go for a walk." John was slightly puzzled.

"A walk?"

"Yeah. There's a nature trail behind the school. I'm sure Coach Johnson's had you walk on it a little ways. I figured we'd walk and talk and then come back whenever."

"Oh. Okay…"

John wasn't sure how he felt about walking outside with Randy, where anyone could catch a glimpse at them. Especially Wade. He wouldn't put it past his godfather to have followed John here, or have a friend follow him. With an almost hollow laugh, John realized that he probably got his paranoia from Wade or something like that.

They left the office and made their way towards the back of the school, opening a backdoor and heading for the nature trail. It wasn't unbearable hot outside and a nice breeze was blowing; perfect weather for a nice, long walk. John led the way down the trail, talking to Randy about his classes and about Cody and Ted. Randy told John stories about past cases he worked on, and about his own high school days, and, slowly, John began to realize that he had a lot more in common with the man than he originally thought.

As they continued deeper into the woods, their conversation turned to the day that John's parents had died and how he came to be in Wade's custody. With silent, rapt attention, Randy listened as John finally told the man about that first night, where Wade had forced himself onto his young godson. He was unable to control himself, and tears flowed down his cheeks freely as he sat down on a fallen tree, reliving the horror of that night that would be forever embedded into his memory.

He hadn't expected himself to just blab, but it was almost impossible not to. There was something about Randy that made John want to pour his heart out to him, to tell him everything that Wade had done to him. But he couldn't. He couldn't tell the man he had affections for the entire truth, for what would he do if he saw a flicker of disgust pass on Randy's face? He'd probably cry harder and run away and never talk to the man again. As close as he came to telling the officer everything, he managed to hold himself together and he eventually calmed down enough to talk normally. After he was finished, Randy remained quiet for a few minutes more before he spoke.

"So...he's done things like that to you?" Not yet trusting his voice, John merely nodded.

"For God's sake, John! Why won't you press charges against that bastard? Why are you protecting him?"

"I'm not protecting him, Randy! I just… I just can't…tell on him…"

"Why the hell not? He deserves to rot in jail for all he's done to you!"

"I just… I can't."

"Why?"

"Because he'd get back at me! He'd go after the people I love; he'd go after Cody, Ted, and you! And I don't want any of you to get hurt." The tears came back, in greater number than earlier, and John had to bend over, clutching his sides to hold himself together. He felt as though he was falling apart and he couldn't put himself back together…

He didn't notice Randy inching closer to him until he felt the man's arms wrap around his trembling body. Without even realizing it, he leaned against Randy's body, feeling the other's warm swarm over him like a security blanket. What brought him back to his senses was the kiss that was placed gently on his forehead and, with wide, questioning eyes, John looked up at Randy. While his face was set in a grim, serious expression, his normally sharp, cool blue eyes were soft and warm, and held so much emotion in them that the teen nearly gasped as he looked into them.

Then, with slight hesitation, as though he didn't want to frighten the young teen away, Randy leaned in close and placed a soft, gentle kiss to John's lips. A spark shot throughout his body and John felt himself returning the kiss, leaning in closer to the man, if that were possible. Randy brought up one of his hands and stroke John's cheek so gently that it felt like a soft feather was brushing along his normally bruised skin. Although neither wanted to break the kiss, the need for air became too great and all to soon, much to John's disappointment, they broke apart, breathing shakily.

A long silence passed before anyone spoke, and John was the first to break that silence.

"So…"

"So."

"I guess the feelings I have for you are…mutual?" John couldn't help but be hopeful. The man he's had a crush on, who he's longed for since the first day of high school, had actually kissed him! A feeling of joy was slowly spreading throughout his body, and he couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Depends. Are you saying that you have a bit of a crush on me, John?" The blonde teen nearly barked out a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess I am." He looked up at the older man, wearing a serious expression on his face. "I like you, Randy. A lot more than I should, but I do. And nothing you say or do will stop me."

Randy smiled at him, shaking his head as he laughed.

"You really are something John. You know, this is illegal, right?"

"Yeah, I know. But I don't care. I'm willing to risk it if you are."

"I'm a police officer. I'm twenty-six years old. And I'm attracted to a teenage boy who has the most beautiful blue eyes in the world. I figure that life's going pretty well for me at the moment, so yeah, I'm willing to risk it. But no one can know. At least, not until you turn eighteen, and even then we have to be careful. We can't broadcast it as soon as you're of age, or everyone will think we've been together for a while."

"If it means that I can be with you, I'm willing to keep our relationship a secret."

"Glad to hear that. Now, I think it's time we got back, baby. It's almost noon, and I'm starving. How about you?" Randy stood up and offered his hand to John, who took it and got up off the log.

He stared at Randy long and hard before he stood up and pressed his lips to the older man's, enjoying the way Randy's soft, warm lips moved against his. If there was ever a heaven on earth, it was nothing compared to feel of Randy's lips. Breaking away, the teen looked down, licking his lips and the officer caressed his face, staring at the boy lovingly.

"Come on, baby. Let's go back."

Nodding, John grasped Randy's hand, and the two walked back to the school, making sure to break apart just before they left the woods.

John didn't tell the prosecutor that last part. He told her everything until after his emotional breakdown began while they were in the woods, then he paused, unable to continue. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at the prosecutor and started to speak again.

"Officer Orton sat down and listened as…as I told him about…about the first night Wade. He cared…"

"It must have been very hard for you to admit that to a police officer, John. It was a really brave move. But why didn't you want to press charges against your godfather, even though Officer Orton advised you to do so?"

"I couldn't! I…I couldn't press charges… You don't know Wade like I do. You don't know the people he hangs with. He could've had me killed at any time. He could've killed Cody or Ted or Officer Orton if he wanted to.. I couldn't… They're safer… So long as I kept silent and didn't file charges, they were safe…"

If only that were true, for it wasn't until the middle of sophomore year that John realized that nothing he did would keep his loved ones safe. Nothing he did kept Cody safe…and he would forever blame himself so that day…


	6. 6

Taint

A simple child that lightly draws its breath and feels its life in every limb. What should it know of death?

Wordsworth

"So by keeping your silence, you were protecting your friends? That's a very noble thing to do, especially for someone as young as you. But your godfather eventually found out that you had a few close friends, didn't he? How did he take to that?"

John barked out a cold, hard laugh and looked up to the right side of the room, avoiding Wade at all costs. Shaking his head, he released a shaky breath and turned back to look at the prosecutor.

"He didn't like the fact that I had friends. And he made sure that I knew how unhappy he was with me…"

"What did he do, John?"

John began to tell her what had happened, barely able to keep his voice steady. Even now, a little over a year later, he still found it hard to talk about, even to Randy. After all, how many seventeen year olds can admit that they are fully responsible for the death of their best friend?

Wade wasn't happy with the fact that John had to go and see Officer Orton five days a week. John knew he wasn't happy because, usually if Wade was upset with his godson, he'd punish him. This time however, it was like the calm before the storm, and it worried John to no end. He knew that at any time, Wade would do something to him; it was only a matter of time.

However, until that time came, John made the most of his time with Randy. Half of their time together was spent in his officer, while the other half was usually spent in the woods behind the school. And thank God that those woods were deep because it was only while they were in there that they got any sense of privacy. In the woods, they could be together as a couple. Granted, they could probably stretch that sense to Randy's office as well, but that was too risky as his office was in the school, and the administrators were still working even during the summer.

John didn't mind that though; all he wanted was to spend time with Randy. Of course, he also wanted to spend time with Cody and Ted as well; heck, he'd even be ecstatic if he could call them and talk to them for five minutes. But naturally, Wade wouldn't allow anything like that; he barely let John come and see Randy over the summer and, of course, John had to suffer in order for him to be allowed to do so. And if Wade ever even found out that he had friends aside from Randy, he'd be sure to make him lose them as quickly as possible.

Which is why John never called them, even though he had both of their numbers. He felt bad, because he knew that they must be angry at him for not contacting them, but it was for their own good.

The days that he spent with Randy soon turned into weeks, and, before he knew it, it was late July; summer vacation was coming to an end. Wade hadn't been around the house for a while, but, then again, John left around nine in the morning every week day and didn't arrive home until around four or five in the evening. Time away from home and Wade were making John a bit careless; one Saturday when Wade was home, John told him that he was going out and would be back later. He was planning on going over to Cody's to finally see and talk to his friend, whom he hadn't seen since the last day of school. Wade didn't take that too well.

"No, you're not." John paused, his hand grasping the door knob.

"What?" Wade got up off the couch and stalked over to his godson, placing both hands on the door, preventing it from being opened. He pressed himself against John, and the teen inhaled sharply at the feel of the man's erection rubbing against him. With his mouth pressed against his ear, Wade spoke once more.

"I said, "No, you're not". As in, no, you're not going anywhere." He moved one hand away from the door and wrapped it around John's torso, pulling the blonde back towards him. "I've been out and about with my friends, but being with them isn't half as satisfying as fucking you. And you've denied me your body all summer long John, and I'll be God damned if I left Officer Orton have all the fun."

John's face burned a bright red and he tried to break free of his godfather's grasp, but he couldn't. The older man was just too strong, too determined to get what he wanted, too driven by his lust, just like always. With little to no effort, Wade yanked John away from the door and carried the boy back to his bedroom, throwing him onto his unmade bed. He crawled on top of the squirming, defiant youth and slapped him hard, causing John to stare up at him, eyes wide with fear.

"I've been patient and understanding for weeks now, John. And it's time that you've repaid me."

The blonde teen didn't have the chance to say anything as Wade had crashed his lips to him in a bruising kiss. His large, rough hands slid up John's t-shirt and caressed the flawless skin underneath. John started squirming again, trying his hardest to break free; he could handle anything Wade dished out at him, but he couldn't handle his godfather do it lovingly, acting as though he wanted to pleasure his godson instead of being pleasured. This made him feel even sicker than usual; disgust and self-loathing bubbled to the surface and John wanted to scream.

He wanted to scream his bloody brains out as Wade disrobed both his godson and himself; he wanted to scream as Wade's hands stroked his inner thighs and his stomach until they reached their ultimate goal; he wanted to scream as Wade entered him slowly, gently, hissing at the feel of John's warmth around him, kissing his godson as though they were long lost lovers who had only just been reunited. It was sickened and he tried his best to fight back, but Wade would have none of that, finally breaking his façade and striking his godson hard across the face. Finally, worn out, tired, and utterly defeated, John just laid there and let Wade do whatever he wanted with him. Closing his eyes tightly, he turned his head to the side and prayed for everything to come to an end.

Over the years of being subjected to Wade's abuse, John had compiled a list of the worst nights he's ever had, and this one topped the list. After he had finished raping the blonde, Wade got up and left for a few minutes. He came back with his pocket knife clutched tightly in his fist, and a twisted, crazed smile on his face. Crawling back on top of John, he grabbed some duct tape from a nearby dresser draw and over John's mouth with it. With one last kiss to John's taped mouth, Wade flipped open his knife and began his work, craving his godson with his knife, marking him as his own. Now, everyone would know who the teenager really belonged to, for it would forever be marked into his skin.

Hot tears poured from John's eyes as Wade set about his work. He twisted and squirmed, trying to throw the older man off balance, but all he got in return was a hard slap and the threat of death. In all honesty, he'd rather be dead than here, on this bed with Wade above him, marking him in ways that John didn't think he'd resort to. Did Wade really feel threatened by anyone John got close to? John didn't know; all he knew was that he wanted this to end, he wanted to die.

Wade had bound John's hands and legs with duct tape, making sure that the blonde wouldn't be able to get up and escape. Blood and semen was caked onto John's skin, the wounds and cuts sore and, on occasion, still bleeding depending on how rough the sex was and if Wade tormented the wounds he inflicted himself. Although he couldn't see himself, John knew he looked like hell. He hadn't washed since Friday night and he didn't get much sleep, considering every time he did finally get to sleep, he would be awoken not long after by Wade wanting to fuck him more.

Before he knew it, the weekend had passed and the week had started, and Wade refused to let him go. John knew this only because of the calendar Wade had tacked to his bedroom wall. On Tuesday morning, his godfather picked him up and carried him to the bathroom, dropping him haphazardly into a tub full of hot, scorching water. He was barely able to suppress a scream, and instead he hissed as tears began to fall once again. He watched in silence as Wade cut off the duct tape from his hands, feet, and mouth. Staring at the water, which was tinted a light pink due to the dried and fresh blood, he was barely able to feel Wade cleaning him off.

It felt like it took forever, and he was relieved when Wade drained the water and pulled him up, wrapping him in a towel. After he was dried to his satisfaction, Wade pulled John back to his bedroom and laid his godson onto the bed, grabbing more duct tape and securing the teenager, making sure that he wasn't going to run away. When he went to put a strip of tape over his mouth, John moved his head back and stared at Wade with hollowed eyes.

"Please…don't. I promise I won't make a sound." He was shocked at how strange his own voice sounded; almost as though it hadn't been used in centuries. Wade peered at him for a moment before placing the tape strip on the side of the dresser by his bed.

"Alright, love. But if you scream even once, I will put it back on. Got it?"

John nodded and Wade, satisfied with finally beating the blonde into submission, smiled and kissed his godson. To soon did the kiss turn deep and Wade, once again, forced himself into John, pressing the teen's body against his own. Unable to feel anything anymore, John just turned away, releasing his body to the care and custody of his godfather. Would Wade ever let him go? Was Randy worried about him? What was he going to do if Wade did let him go? So many questions filled his mind and John was just too exhausted, both physically and mentally, to ponder them for too long.

Wade didn't let him go until Sunday, and he was only released because Wade had tired of him. About an hour or so after he was set loose, John was ordered to walk to the nearby convenience store to get a soda for his godfather. With laughter filling his voice, Wade told him that if he returned with the exact amount of change that he'd be allowed to go back and get himself one as well.

Feeling like an empty shell, not really caring how he looked, which he was positive he looked like hell, John set off, slowly and in pain, for the 7/11. It took him longer than usual to get there, but he eventually made it. Keeping his head down, he made his way towards the drink section when a voice called out to him.

"John? Is that you?" That was Ted's voice. Damn, he was here and he had spotted John. Although his heart leapt at the fact that his friend was here, he silently cursed Ted's presence. Why now, of all times, did Ted decide to go to 7/11?

"H-hey…Teddy." His voice still sounded strange to him, and he kept his head down, eyes focused on the floor.

"How have you been? You haven't called Cody or me and we've been really worried. What's up with you? …Hey…are you okay? You don't look too well…"

Ted reached his hand out and went to feel John's head. At the sudden contact, the younger blonde flinched, something that didn't go unnoticed. With a frown, Ted gently grasped John's chin and lifted his head up. Upon seeing John's face, he gasped and stared, shocked and heartbroken, at the state of his friend.

"Oh my God… John, what happened? Who did this? Was it your godfather? C'mon, buddy, tell me?" John bit his lip, fighting hard to hold back his tears.

"I'm fine, Teddy..."

"Bullshit. You're not fine. Just look at yourself!" Ted turned him round and John looked at the glass doors. He was right, he did look like hell. Black and yellow bruises littered his face which was already pretty raw due to the constant crying. His eyes looked dead tired and lifeless, and he was paler than he had ever been before. John looked like a dead person, and he felt like one as well.

"Let's go. You're coming with me." John tried to voice his protest, to explain that he really was fine and that his godfather would be pissed if he didn't get home soon, but Ted wouldn't listen to any of it.

"I'm not letting you go back there. We're going to Cody's and you're going to tell us what happened whether you like it or not."

Before they got to Ted's car, John's arm was grabbed by someone else. Turning around, he saw Wade grinning down at him. Beside him, he felt Ted tense and when he looked up at the taller teen, he saw him glaring hatefully at his godfather.

"There you are, John. I was getting worried about you. You were taking so long, I thought I'd come and see if you were okay. Low and behold, you're fine; just talking to a friend. But now, it's time to go home. Come along, John."

"He's not going anywhere with you, you fucking bastard!" Ted's grip on John was painful and he tried to pull away from both of them.

"Don't mess with me, little boy. I can easily get rid of you, so don't test me." And with that, Wade wrenched John away from his friend and, as he was being dragged down the sidewalk, John looked over his shoulder at his stunned friend, sending him a silent plea for help.

Apparently, Wade felt as though John being confronted by his friend was bad, because the next day, Monday, he allowed his godson to return to his sessions with Randy. Because it took him a while, John didn't arrive at the school until fifteen minutes after ten and he slowly limped his way down the halls towards Randy's office. He didn't want the officer to see him like this, but he had no choice. It was either stay at home or go to school, so he went. Knocking softly on the door, he opened it up and found Randy leaning over at his desk, his face set in a serious expression. Looking up, John saw relief and worry pass over the man's face as he approached the teen, enveloping him in a tight hug. John accidently let out a whimper of pain and Randy released him.

"I've been worried sick, John! What's been..going…on…?" Randy stopped once he got a good look at John's face. With gentle, loving hands, he turned and tilted the teenager's face, trying to get a better look. Fury started setting in, and John, for the first time since meeting him, was afraid of the police officer. Randy no longer looked like the composed man that he was; he looked like an animal, an animal about to go on a massive killing spree.

"He did this." It wasn't a question, but a statement that John confirmed with a nod of his head. With a deep frown, Randy grasped John's arms and slowly, gently, ushered the blonde out of his office and towards the principal's office. John didn't even try to object. He allowed Randy to sit him down in a chair and, as the reality of what was about to come hit him, John started to cry, hiding his face in his hands as he told Randy and Principal Miller everything Wade had done to him since day one. He didn't know how long it took or how many hours had passed before he finished. All he knew was that, by the end of it, Randy had contacted Chief Wiley, who was on his way in. Randy assured John that he wasn't going back to Wade's house, period. End of discussion. And John had no desire to object.

Once Chief Wiley had arrived, along with a few other officers from the station, they began to question John, writing down notes and formal statements. After that was done, they kindly asked John to write up a report, which he could start and finish at his leisure. But John wasn't tired; just drained, physically, mentally, emotionally. Regardless of that, he pressed on, writing as much as he could before his body demanded sleep and he passed out still sitting in the principal's chair, his face and arms lying limp on the desk before him.

He didn't realize that his life would soon change. He had no idea that he had just signed Cody's death warrant. He had no idea what Wade was truly capable of until the police showed up at his godfather's house to arrest him. He had no idea…


	7. 7

Taint

To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself.

Dr. Burton Grebin

"And what happened after that? It's okay, John, you can take your time. If it's too difficult for you to talk about-"

"No, I… I'm fine." Taking a deep breath, John continued.

After he had finished writing his statement, he sat at the desk, barely noticing the world around him. It was as though he were in a daze; the lights, sounds, even the feel of everything was dimmed, like it was coming from a far away source. But that didn't faze him too much; after the week he had, he was used to blocking out sounds and touches. Only when a firm pair of hands began to lift him up off the chair did John snap back to reality.

Randy was ushering him away from the principal's desk and towards the front of the office; out the front doors; and to his police car. After unlocking the car, he pushed John into the passenger seat before getting in himself. Upon seeing the confused expression on John's face, Randy paused before starting the card.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, John. You need to see someone about your injuries. You need to get healed and feel better; I need you to get better. Don't give me that look."

John was about to protest, to object, to throw a fit, to do anything to not go to the hospital, but something stopped him. No, not just something, but one thing, one statement. I need you to get better. For the first time since his parents died, someone needed John. Hell, he can't even recall if his parents ever said they needed him; he was just too young to remember something like that. But the thought of someone needing him, even if it was something like him getting better, made him feel…

It made it feel…odd. Different. Like the rain had finally come after a horrible drought; like the sun shining brightly for the first time in months; like a lover needing his lover, because he loved him…

For the first time in a long time, a sense of undisruptive peace and calm fell over him and, before John even realized it, he had started to cry again. Not tears of pain or sadness, but tears of joy…and of love. Even after seeing him in a state such as this, even after knowing everything that Wade had done to him, Randy still wanted him…still cared…still loved him.

This was probably the happiest he's ever felt, and it was Randy who made him feel it, too. It was Randy who first reached out to him, who did his best to break the hard shell of a kid who had been put through hell. Randy who had admitted to wanting to be in a relationship as much as John wanted it.

Looking at the man, this gorgeous, strong, amazing man, John saw that he was incredibly worried, sad, and happy all at once. Such a strange mixture of emotions. He couldn't help himself; he reached over and hugged the man as tight as possible, and Randy held him back, gently rubbing soothing circles in his back.

"John? Johnny...? Are you okay, baby?"

Randy's voice was shaking, as if he was holding back his own tears, and John loved him deeply for that. Was it even possible to love someone after only knowing them for so long? After only being with them for so long? Was there such a thing as love at first sight or soul mates? John sure as hell didn't know, but right now, he really didn't care. All he cared about was Randy, the man who, really, had saved his life.

After spending a few days in the hospital, John was finally released and allowed to live with his Aunt Angie. Although she kept reassuring him that he was welcome and that there was enough room, John still felt guilty and, in the end, he asked to call Cody and ask him.

Luckily, Cody was more worried than he was angry, and, after consulting his parents, John was allowed to stay with them. Chief Wiley wasn't too happy – he wanted to place John in foster care – but, in the end, he gave in.

John spent his first night at his friend's house telling both Cody and Ted everything that had happened to him since he came to live with Wade. It took a while, as Cody asked a few questions, and both of them often commenting on wanting to murder his godfather, something John secretly appreciated greatly although he told them not too. Since he had to explain it to the police as well as write everything down, John found that it wasn't as difficult to tell his friends what he went through, granted some parts took a bit more time than others, but, for the most part, his friends were told everything.

Were it not for the fact that he simply couldn't cry anymore, John knew that he would've broken down many times during the night and into the early morning. However, he was glad he told them about Wade and everything. To his surprise, Cody and Ted didn't blame him or reject him or anything; instead, they were all for beating the living hell out of Wade, and probably would have too were it not for John's insistence to leave his godfather be.

"I don't see how you still care about him after all the shit he's done to you. For God's sake, John, he's beat you! He's…he's raped you. You've suffered so much…and you just…you just…" Cody nearly started crying himself out of frustration. Frustration that John understood, but wished his best friend would let it go.

"I don't care about him. But I do care about you guys." Ted looked at him with a slightly confused expression on his face.

"What do you mean by that, John?"

"Haven't you been listening to me? Wade has connected, friends. He has people who will do his dirty work for him if he can't do it himself. I've finally got friends, and I don't want to see them get hurt by my godfather. He's taken enough from me; I won't let him take you guys as well."

A bright smile broke out on both of their faces and John was knocked backwards as Cody pounced on him, hugging him tightly.

"Aw… I didn't know ya cared, Johnny."

For the first time in his life, John felt lighter than air. Accepted by the people he loved, despite all of the horrible things that have happened to him, made John feel like he was on top of the world.

If only that feeling could have lasted…

"Tell me about the day Cody died, John. Take your time; I understand that this is all very difficult, but do the best you can."

Nodding, John began addressing the court again, his voice choking up as he explained…

It was after the arraignment of his godfather when it happened. The sun shone brightly, creating a cheerful and hopeful atmosphere over John, Cody, Ted, and Randy, all of whom were present in the courtroom as the arraignment took place. Wade's eyes only left John when he was forced to look at the judge, which worried John. Somewhere, deep, down inside him, he knew something was going to happen. He just didn't know when and where.

However, having Cody and Ted sitting beside him, and seeing Randy and Chief Wiley sitting in the front row behind the prosecution's desk made the blonde teen feel better, confident that everything would be all right. Before the arraignment ended, Cody left, having to take a phone call from his mom, leaving just Ted and John alone. After it was over, Randy smiled and wandered over to the pair, quietly telling John to call him later.

Since Randy was busy helping to prepare the evidence and whatnot for the case, John didn't see him as often. But school would be starting soon, and Randy was still the school's resource officer. Even so, it made John feel lonely, but he felt better upon seeing his secret lover, and the phone call tonight would be worthwhile, of that he was sure.

Once the arraignment was over, Wade was led out of the room by two officers, but not before calling out to his godson, a smug expression on his face.

"Just you wait, Johnny! Just you wait…"

John couldn't suppress the shivers that his godfather's comment gave him. It was just like Wade, too; tell him enough to keep him on his toes, but yet not too much. It forced him to be constantly on alert, constantly looking over his shoulder, worrying… And although his godfather was in jail, John knew damn well that Wade had friends on the outside, friends that would do anything for him.

Ted and John made their way out of the courthouse and around back to the parking lot. Cody was already in the car, waiting for them. Upon seeing them, he smiled and waved them over.

"Hurry up! I wanna get home!" They both laughed as they got into the car; Ted up front, John in back.

"What's the hurry, baby?" Ted looked over at his brunette boyfriend, laughing slightly as the car started and the pulled out.

"There's only four days of summer vacation left, and Mom and Dad are going away for the weekend. You know what that means, right?"

Cody turned onto the main street and started driving home. Although John shook his head, suppressing a laugh at Cody's antics, he could help but feel incredibly worried. Hopefully, Wade was bluffing… Hopefully, nothing was going to happen…

Hopefully wasn't good enough. Before he even knew what was happening, there was a loud, metallic sound of metal colliding against metal and the sound of screams. Then, there was pain, intense, excruciating pain. The world around him was a blur, and, before he could make sense of what was going on around him, everything faded to black.

When he finally woke up, he didn't know where he was, what had happened, or what day it was. John tried to sit up, but he felt weighed down, as though invisible hands were keeping him chained to the bed. Moving his head to the side, he realized that he was in a hospital room, with an IV machine and some other machines close to his bed. And, sitting in the chair beside his bed, fast asleep, was Randy. He looked pale and exhausted, and John couldn't figure out why exactly. All he knew for sure was that, obviously, he had been in some kind of accident, probably caused by a friend of Wade's, and was injured, but what kind of accident and how badly injured, he didn't know.

He watched Randy sleep for a while before the man started stirring. John was glad he was awake; he missed him so much and he wanted to know what was going on. Once he saw that John was awake as well, Randy got up off the chair and stood beside him, looking worn out and tired. His smile didn't reach his eyes and he looked incredibly sad.

"About time you woke up, brat. You nearly gave me a heart attack, and I am too young to die now, especially now that I have a beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyes boyfriend to love and look after. So, how are you feeling, Johnny?"

"Sore. Tired. Crappy."

His voice sounded raspy, as though it hadn't been used in a while and he gave a dry cough. Randy nodded in understanding, and took John's hand in his own, looking down. The warmth of Randy's hand warmed him up and he felt a little bit better, knowing that Randy was here beside him. But he needed to know what happened…

"Hey, Randy…?"

"What, baby?"

"What happened? Why am I in here? Was I…in an accident? And if I was…are Cody and Ted okay?"

Randy opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't find the right words. Closing his mouth, he thought about how he could tell John what happened without sounding so harsh, so cold and distant. But really, he didn't know how to approach things carefully and cautiously. All he knew was that John had asked him a few questions, and the teenager had a right to know the truth. So, Randy tried his best to be as careful about it as possible.

"I'm not sure how to approach this, Johnny, so forgive me if I'm too straight forward."

John nodded, and Randy continued, squeezing the blonde's hand reassuringly as he went on.

"Someone tampered with the brakes on Cody's car. As a result, on your way home, he ran a red light and a truck slammed right into the left side of the car. Cody died instantly. Ted's here in the hospital, making a fast recovery. And you…well, you weren't nearly as badly injured, but you still need to stay in here for a few days more. You were knocked unconscious, and for a few hours, the doctors didn't know if you'd make it or not. Chief Wiley asked me to stay here and keep watch, and tell you what had happened once you woke up. …I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry…"

Tears welled up in Randy's pale blue eyes, but they didn't fall. John was stunned into silence, unsure of how to react. The brakes in the car had been tampered with; Cody was dead; Ted was badly injured; and he had gotten away with nothing more than a few scratches and some bruises. John felt paralyzed, numb, as though he had been dipped into an ice cold bath and left there for a few hours. Randy leaned over and hugged him, doing his best to be careful and avoid any bruising.

"Cody…Cody's dead? Ted's hurt...really bad…and all I got were a few scratches… How the hell is that fair? I should've been the one to die… It should have been me… It should have been… Not Cody… Anyone but…but Cody…"

He didn't even realize he was crying. And John thought that he had cried all of his tears, but now he realized he was wrong. His body shook violently, and all he could think about was how he should have been the one to die, not Cody. Wade had intended to hurt him, to kill him… But instead, it was Cody who lost his life…

"Don't say stupid shit like that John!" Randy growled and he hugged the blonde teen tighter. "If Cody was here, he'd beat the living shit out of you for even thinking that! What happened to him wasn't your fault, but some perverted, psychopath-"

"Wade's the one who's responsible! He's the one who tampered with the brakes. Him or his damn friends! You know that and so do I, Randy."

"Of course I know that, John! But we still have to conduct a full investigation, and if it was a friend of Wade's, then it'll take a while to trace it back to him. I know that you're hurting and that you've been forced to endure a lot more than any normal teenager has. But things like this will take time. So please baby… Please…just…just be patient."

Closing his eyes, John sighed and leaned back against the hospital bed, his face screwed up in an expression of sadness and pain.

Taking a deep breath, John looked at the prosecutor and nodding to her that he was okay.

"Again, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, John. What happened after that?"

"The investigation took a while because they had to go over ever angle. At least, that's what Officer Orton told me. So my sophomore year came and went. I stayed with my Aunt Angie; I couldn't stay with Cody's parents. They said they didn't blame me, but I felt like I should give them space. I felt like I shouldn't have been there, so I left. By the time I was released, school had been in session for two weeks, and it was another week before Ted was allowed to leave."

"Did they find the person responsible for the automobile accident, John?"

"Yeah, they did. Over summer vacation. But it took a while to connect him with my godfather. And by the time they did, my junior year was nearly over. I guess there's a lot of procedures and processes involved before everything is ready for a trial. I've never been able to keep up on stuff like that."

The prosecutor smiled kindly at him and nodded.

"Yes there is. A lot of legal proceedings that had to take place, which is why we're here today, at last. You've been incredible up here, John. I thank you."

He nodded, and bit his bottom lip as the attorney went to sit down. John wished it was over; he wished that he could go back to school, finish his senior year and graduate. He wanted Wade to finally leave him alone; he wanted to be free. And most of all, he wanted to be with Randy, with the one he loved the most.

Throughout the investigation into the accident and Cody's death, Randy had been as patient as he could with John, and vice versa. While they had their arguments, John was always thankful to be with someone like Randy, even if it was in secret.

As the defense attorney got up from his seat, John hoped that he wouldn't say or do something stupid. He wanted Wade to be gone from his life for good, and it all rested on his shoulders.


	8. 8

Taint

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn.

C.S. Lewis

"So. All those years with Wade were really tough. Why didn't you tell someone or try and leave?"

"I couldn't. He was my legal guardian."

"But what about your Aunt? How come you never told her about it?"

"Aunt Angie has her own family. I didn't want her to take me in when she didn't have the room…."

"But that's not all, is it? That's not the only reason why you never told her, correct?"

"I… I thought she'd…she'd hate me. Find me disgusting. For what Wade had done…and kept doing."

"But you were a child, so why would she have blamed you or found you disgusting unless you did something to provoke your godfather?"

John was doing his best to keep a calm and clear mind, to answer as truthfully as he could. But he knew how defense attorneys worked; the prosecution had tried their best to prepare him for this, even going over scenarios so that he'd get a good idea. Regardless of how much they had tried to prepare him, he still felt nervous, and he knew he was going to say something stupid or something incorrect. Something, anything that would give Wade's attorney a chance to rip him to shreds.

"I don't know… I was nine when it first happened, and I was afraid of Wade."

"So, you didn't like him to begin with. You wanted a good reason to hate him, so you tried to seduce him, right?"

"Objection!" The prosecutor stood up, looking determined. After she had stated her reasoning, the judge motioned them forward, and they spoke in low, whispered terms. John couldn't hear what they were saying; even if he could, he wasn't paying attention. He was too busy thinking about what the defense attorney had implied.

While it was true that he didn't really know Wade when his parents were alive, John didn't really like or dislike his godfather. Actually, he didn't know how he felt about him when he was a kind. And when his parents died, he was all alone in a strange house, with a man who he didn't know very well and who kind of intimidated him. After all, Wade was a big guy, and, to a nine year old kid, he was like a behemoth.

The attorneys stepped away from the judge's bench; the prosecutor sitting down, looking pleased, while the defense attorney returned to his questioning.

"I apologize for my previous statement, John. I hope they didn't offend you."

John nodded and looked down for a moment, taking a calming breath before he looked back up at the man before him.

"You said that you were afraid of Wade. Why is that, exactly?"

"I didn't really know him. Sure, he would come over a few times before my parents died, but he never stayed for too long, so I never really got to know before the accident."

"I see. Didn't you try to get to know him before he allegedly raped you?"

"I was only with him for one week before it happened."

"Are you sure it was one week? I mean, how can you tell? You were just a child after all."

"Objection, your Honor, the question calls for speculation."

"Move on, Mr. Mercer."

"Sorry, your Honor." The defense attorney was gazing at John as though he were a predator about to attack its prey.

"John, you still went to school while in your godfather's care. Why didn't you ever tell a teacher?"

John was slightly shocked at the sudden change in the questions. It went right from the first incident to school. The prosecution told him that would happen, probably often, but still…

"I couldn't tell a stranger something like that. It was…it was hard to deal with in general, let alone talk about it with anyone. And teachers…they have an obligation to report stuff like that, and I didn't want to get into anymore trouble."

"You were already in trouble? What made you think that?"

"Every time Wade touched me or hit me or anything, it made me feel like I was being punished for something…"

"But you were just a kid. What could you have done to constantly think you were being punished for something?"

John inhaled sharply. He knew that he'd have to answer the question, but he just…he couldn't. How could he tell an open courthouse that he secretly blamed himself for his parents' deaths? That, were it not for him, they'd still be alive? That if he just shut up and stopped throwing a fit, his dad wouldn't have turned around and lost control of the wheel…

He didn't want to say that, but he'd have to. So, taking a deep breath, building himself up, he explained.

"It was my fault that my parents died. I was throwing a fit, and they both turned around and crashed into a large tree."

There was a shocked silence in the court as the confession came out. From the benches behind the prosecutor's desk, John saw Ted wearing a startled expression on his face. And although Randy's face remained unreadable, he saw the confusion in those pale blue eyes of his. It made his heart retch, having kept something so big, so personal, from the people he loved, but it wasn't something that he talked about. And the only reason why he spoke of it now was because he had to, and it was better to say it all at once than to pause and think about it. So it came out all at once, nice and easy, slow and sweet and understandable.

"So you threw a fit and the car crashed, killing your parents. That's truly tragic. Did you throw fits often as a child?"

"I...I guess so. I can't really remember..."

"So, it's easy to upset you?"

"Well, no… I mean, it depends I guess…"

"Answer the question, Mr. Cena. Are you easily upset? Yes or no."

"No, I'm not."

"But you just said that, as a kid, you threw fits, which means that you must be easily upset."

"Most kids throw fits, don't they?"

"I'll ask the questions, Mr. Cena. You threw fits as a child, correct?"

"Yes."

"But you just said that you're not easily upset, is that right?"

"Right."

"No further questions at the moment, your Honor."

After that, the cross examinations kept going back and forth; the prosecution focusing on Wade and his actions while the defense tried to demean John's character. Questions about his personality, his hobbies, his school, anything that could be called into question was, and it took a few days before it was all said and done. Friday came and went, and it wasn't until Monday that his testimony ended.

It was bitter-sweet because of the uncertainty of it all. His life rested in the hands of twelve supposedly unbiased people, all of whom had the life of his godfather resting in their hands. However, the prosecution was confident, especially since Randy was there next witness. John sat with his Aunt Angie as Randy was questioned, first by the prosecution, and then by the defense attorney.

And Mr. Mercer was truly harsh on the resource officer. If John thought that he had been given a rough time, then Randy was being slowly dragged through a living hell. He was criticized for not informing Chief Wiley about his suspicions as soon as he started meeting with John; he was accused of being power hungry and a closet pedophile; he was confronted about being a gay police officer. Of course, the prosecutor objected to all of these for various reasons, and, by sheer luck, the judge agreed with her on most of them.

But amazed John the most was Randy himself. Even through all of the slander and accusations, the man remained calm and collected, answering every single question in a professional manner. John realized that Randy must have been through this a few times because the man acted like a pro. Nothing Mr. Mercer asked or said riled him up, not even when the defense attorney asked him if he was in a sexual relationship with John.

"Of course not. He's a good kid and all, but that's all he is: a kid. Only filthy pigs like your client stoop that low."

Although he knew that Randy was merely saying it for show, the fact that his secret lover had called him a kid sort of offended him. Randy knew everything he's been through; surely he's more of an adult than a kid, even if he's not yet eighteen. Soon, he would be, and then he wouldn't be a 'kid' anymore. Nevertheless, John's mood was slightly dampened at the statement, and, even though he knew that he was being a bit childish, he couldn't help but wonder if that's how Randy truly saw him…


	9. 9

aint

In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.

Sir Francis Bacon

After the day was done and over with, John wanted more than anything to be with Randy; to be sitting beside him on the couch or lying beside him on the bed, just talking or enjoying each other's company. There were still a few witnesses to be called, which could take a few days depending on the testimony. In all honesty, John wanted everything to be done and over with. He felt tired, so very tired and older than he actually was. In a few days he would be eighteen, which meant that not only would he be an adult, but he'd also be free to be with Randy openly. That is, if the man still wanted to be with him.

The fact that Randy called him a kid worried and unnerved him. Although he realized that it was probably more for show than not, a still small voice in his head had some doubts about that. Deep down, he knew that Randy wore many masks for many different reasons, but that made him so hard to read. Even John had a hard time reading his expressions from time to time. He wanted to ask the officer about it, and, while he felt nervous as hell about it, the teen decided upon returning home that day that he'd call the man later that night and ask him about it.

Upon arriving home with Aunt Angie, he went into the study to check his email. He still had to school work to complete and send back and the sooner he got it done, the sooner he'd be able to call Randy. Once he had printed out the worksheets, he gathered his books and headed for the living couch, the place where he usually finished his work. Living with his aunt was incredibly different than living with his godfather.

One major difference was the fact that Angie, her husband Jake, and their daughter Sally all actually cared about him and were nice to him. Aunt Angie had always been so very nice and understanding to John, which made the blonde teenager feel more at home, at peace while living with her. She reminded him of his mother, something that probably shouldn't have surprised him as they were sisters after all. He had always been closer to Angie, Jake, and Sally than he ever was with Wade, and John didn't understand why he wasn't willed to them in the first place.

But that didn't matter now; all that mattered was that he was no longer living with Wade, in the same house where his nightmares still lurked and his fears came to life. After finally telling someone what had been going on since he was nine years old, he was free, freed from the horrible, torturous shackles that bound his body, mind, and soul to a damp and darkened place where so few were forced to dwell in. His spirit felt lighter, more so than it had ever felt before, and, while it was a strange feeling, it was also a welcomed feeling, a feeling of change that he couldn't take back or exchange, not even if he wanted too. And John most definitely didn't want to.

When he was finished with his homework and had eaten dinner, John went to his bedroom, which was actually just a guest room. After having a talk with Randy, they both agreed that, once John had turned eighteen and was ready, he could move in with Randy. He was planning on attending the local community college once he graduated and, hopefully, find a part time job within walking distance. John wanted to try and help out his boyfriend as much as he could since Randy had given him so much, making John feel as though he needed to repay him for everything he had done. While Randy had told him time and time again to not bother because John's love and trust was more than enough payment, the blonde teen wasn't thoroughly convinced. It was almost as if he was compelled to do something.

At around eleven that night, John snuck out of the house, grabbing his book bag, which held his books and some clothes, and walked as fast and as quietly as he could to Randy's. He had called him once he was sure that everyone was asleep, which was at about ten thirty, and asked Randy if he could come over to see him. After making numerous promises about being careful and keeping his head low, which he did using a baggy hoodie that hid his face from any passersby, Randy agreed. It wasn't the first time he'd spent the night with his secret lover; there were a few nights during the summer vacations and, on rare occasions, school nights, that John had spent with Randy at the officer's home. And he really needed to see the older man, to hear his voice, to touch him… John needed that more than anything right now, and Randy was more than willing to give it to him.

He finally made it to Randy's house after jogging a good fifteen minutes. Keeping his head down, and closing the hood around his face so that it was obscured from view, John knocked quietly on the door, waiting just a few seconds before it opened and he was ushered inside by a shirtless Officer Orton. Shivers ran down his spine at seeing his boyfriend half naked, shivers that made John tingle in places that didn't normally tingle, mainly due to Wade's obsession with those places.

"Took you long enough. I thought you had died or something. You're getting out of shape, Johnny. Look at you, all sweaty and panting; it's like you had sex without actually having sex." John laughed and laid his book bag down on the floor and took off his hoodie. Randy usually greeted him like that; the fake insults and jokes always put a smile on the blonde's face. That, of course, was the older man's goal.

"At least I'm not a gym freak like you, Officer Orton." John smiled as he saw Randy's lips twitch.

"John, you know what that does to me when you call me that… As we have to be at court tomorrow at ten, you'd better stop."

"But what if I don't want to stop, Officer Orton? What if I want to provoke you, Officer Orton?"

"You know very well what I'll do to you, Johnny."

"And what will you do to me, Officer Orton?"

Upon seeing the animalistic look on Randy's face, John knew that he had pushed the taller man too far. He had meant to, of course. After all, John didn't come here just to talk and cuddle, although they would do that. No, John came here to be with the man he loved, and Randy wasn't going to disappoint him, especially after being provoked.

Picking him up, Randy carried the blonde to his bedroom and laid him down gently, smirking down at the teen as he crawled on top of him, staring at him like a hungry predator. John leaned up against the man as they kissed, a slow, deep, passionate kiss, a lover's kiss. He moaned deeply into the kiss when Randy's hands placed themselves on his stomach and slowly worked their way under his shirt and traveled upward. Being touched by Randy always made him feel warm, safe, and loved; John knew that Randy would never hurt him and, before, when they had made love, it was always loving and passionate, exuding passion and deep feeling instead of just lust and sex. It was, truly, something beautiful that was appreciated and enjoyed by both of them.

The need for air became too great, and Randy drew back, releasing John's lips, nibbling on the bottom one gently before leaning back.

"I love you, John… I love you so much…"

"I love you too. Randy, please…please take me…"

With the magic words spoken, Randy leaned back down, capturing the blonde's lips with his own, his hands and fingers caressing the soft, warm skin of the boy below him.

After they had spent themselves, they lay in the bed, Randy on his back and John curled up against him. With a lazy finger, the teen traced random shapes and patterns across the man's tanned chest, watching it go up and down with every intake and release of breath Randy took. The silence that had settled over them was comforting and made them both tired and ready for sleep. However, John couldn't sleep just yet. He needed to ask Randy something.

"Randy?" He spoke softly, trying not to disturb the officer too much.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Do you… I am a kid to you?"

Randy's eyes opened and he turned his head to look at the teenager properly. Big, frightened blue eyes started back at him, and the officer wanted to kick himself. With all the pain and torment that John was forced to endure, of course he'd be a little sensitive about certain things. Randy should have known better than to call John a kid during the cross examination today. But he couldn't think of any other word and he wasn't trying to imply that he saw the blonde as a child, because he most definitely wasn't. John had been forced to grow up rather fast, all things considered, and he definitely didn't act like a kid. Even so, John was self-conscious and had low self-esteem, and the last thing he needed was to worry about Randy thinking of him as a child.

"No, John. You're not a kid to me. You're an amazingly strong and determined young man who has fought through hell and high water. Yes, you're young, but your trials and experience have aged you in ways that not many people can. You're an amazing and wonderful person, John, and you make me happier than anyone or anything in the entire world. I'm the lucky one; I'm lucky enough to be with you, and I won't let you go without a fight."

As he spoke that last sentence, Randy's eyes filled with the strong will and determination that enthralled John so much. Before he knew it, Randy had rolled on top of him and was kissing him with renewed passion. Closing his eyes, he wrapped his arms around the man's neck and pulled him closer. He knew he would be sore tomorrow, but he didn't care. All he cared about was being with Randy, here and now, shut away from the cruelties of the world, safe and sound.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

"Madam Forewoman, have you reached a verdict?" The judge asked the woman who was holding a folded slip of paper. With a nod, she answered.

"Yes, your Honor, we have."

"May the defendant please rise." Wade and Mr. Mercer both stood up. "On all accounts of rape, sexual assault, assault and battery, and neglect, how does the jury find?"

"We the jury, find Wade Barrett guilty of all accounts."

Relief consumed John like a tidal wave; all of the pain, the nightmares, the suffering, all of it had come to an end. Wade was going to prison where he would stay, probably, until the day he died. No longer listening to the jury or the judge, John felt his aunt hugged him tightly, smiling and saying encouraging things to him. Looking around, he saw Randy and Chief Wiley talking in a low, whispered conversation, both looking relieved and pleased with a job well done.

Looking up, Randy and John stared at each other; pale, icy blue meeting bright, baby blue eyes that now reflected relief and peace of mind instead of fear and sadness. Like that day when John had been led to Randy's office, a connection sparked between the two, and John knew that, although his childhood had been horribly taken from him in the most cruelest of manners, he had his whole life spreading out before him.

And the best part of it was that he would be spending it with the one he loved the most. He would be spending his freedom with Randy, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

The nightmare was over.

He was finally free.

The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love, and to be greater than our suffering.

Ben Okri


End file.
